the hangover

This won't be a long post as it is 2:00am and I am extremely tired... So instead of lying in bed, with my eyes closed, not sleeping, I thought I'd spend some time writing it down.

Since University ended just over a year ago, my life has been pretty eventful. I moved out of my student house in St. Catharines, ON and home to Mum and Dad and my younger sister… Do you feel like I’m moving backwards?

I did.

Since I have moved back home, I have felt the urge to bang my head against my Ikea desk, while my Brock University degree stares at me questioningly. Even now I am struggling with what theme to write for this blog, but why not start with introducing myself.

There is not much to know about me as of right now.... perhaps I'm approaching a quarter-life crisis?

Pretty much just young, broke and fabulous.

In June, after completing a graduate program and despite my internal voice yelling “GET A JOB!” I did the opposite. I took my hard earned money and took a trip of a lifetime. I can sit here now and tell you, I have visited 47 cities in over 20 countries (not all in the span of 3 months, no, but in my lifetime, yes). I will tell you that I am a firm believer in rich ingredients... not just in food, but in love and life…  If you hadn’t guessed it already, clearly I have a passion for travel and want to experience as much as I can while I’m young and able.

Maybe it was this newfound attitude or feeling that I needed to keep living this adventure. After spending almost 7 weeks with some of the best people you will meet in your life. Living everyday with them, traveling around Europe, experiencing everything from the long cues and the crowds at The Louvre, Versailles, The Coliseum and the Grand Bazaar… experiencing sickness (*Contiki Cough*) or general homesickness. Making friends and falling in love. Through this entire experience I was on a high… and when it ended… What a hangover. I couldn’t let it go. Part of me still doesn’t want to.

So, having a UK passport, I’ve picked up and moved to London. Yes, entirely on a whim. I didn’t have any arrangements of where to stay, how to pay for it, no job. Of course, when I announced to friends and family that I was “moving to London” the first thing they asked me was… “what’s his name?” 

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism. To no surprise, following this incredibly kind-hearted, handsome Australian to London was not my brightest idea…it didn’t work out… to say the very least. However, I must give credit where credit is due… not just to this individual, but to several who have torn down my walls and smacked me awake. They have pushed me to doing something I have always talked about doing, but in truth, probably would have never had the faith to take the leap…

I’ve taken the leap… even with no one to catch me.

It's hard to explain how a person can be excited yet terrified at the same time. I want to be centre stage yet I also want to hide in a corner. I’ve always spent my life making plans and following a set path. Things haven’t always been easy for me, but generally speaking, I haven’t exactly had a rough life. Since being in London, I am learning that life isn’t always easy. I’ve been settled here and working in a pub (no my dream job obviously) and living in a hostel for almost 4 weeks now. I’m learning that it doesn’t matter how badly I want that job, or that flat… things aren’t instant. I’m learning to compromise. I’m learning to give myself more credit for my accomplishments… even if I am working in a pub in Covent Garden, at least I have a job! One thing at a time.

For now, I am happy here in London. I can honestly say this for the first time since I’ve been here. And someday I will look back on these moments, no matter how long they last, as such a sweet time of grieving. I’ll see that I was in mourning of my past life… of my student life, my Contiki life… my heart was broken but my life is changing…